\ OOP v':x:? 




COPYRIGHT, 1839, BY HAROLD ROORBACH 

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1. ALL THAT GLITTERS IS NOT GOLD. A comic drama in iwo acts. Six 

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POPPING 



THE QUESTION 



A FARCE IN ONE ACT 



BY 



JOHN BALDWIN BUCKSTONE 



New American Edition, Correctly Reprinted from the 
Original Authorized Acting Edition, with the Original 
Casts of the Characters, Argument of the Play, 
Time of Representation, Scene and Property 
Plots, Diagram of the Stage Setting, Sides 
OF Entrance and Exit, Relative Posi- 
tions of the Performers, Explana- 
tion OF THE Stage Directions, 
etc., and all of the Stage 
Business. 



i 



,\ 



Copyright, 1890, by Harold Roorbach. 




NEW YORK 

HAROLD ROORBACH 
PUBLISHER 




POPPING THE QUESTION. 



r 



CAST OF CHARACTERS, ^c^^"/ 



Mr. Primrose 

Henry Thornton 

Ellen Murray 

Miss Biffin 

Miss Winterblossom 

Bobbin 



Drury Lane Theatre, 

Lo7idon, 

March 2j, i8jo. 

Mr. Farren. 
Mr. Lee. 

Mrs. Newcombe. 
Mrs. Glover, 
Mrs. Jones. 
Mrs. Oger. 



Park Theatre, 

New York, 
April 26, 18 JO. 

Mr. Henry Placide. 
Mr. Thomas Placide. 
Mrs. Wallack. 
Mrs. Hackett. 
Mrs. Wheatley. 
Mrs. Hilson. 



Time of Representation — Forty Minutes. 

THE ARGUMENT. 

Mr. Henry Primrose becomes violently smitten with his ward, Ellen 
Murray, but is at a loss how to " pop the question " decorously. The young 
lady, however, unaware of her guardian's matrimonial intentions, has 
already provided herself with ?ijiance named Henry Thornton, who has 
been artfully smuggled into the house during Mr. Primrose's absence. 
In the midst of a tender scene the old bachelor returns inopportunely, 
Mr. Thornton beats a hasty retreat, and things are made to look as 
though nothing had happened. Having fully determined to " pop," Mr. 
Primrose, by way of prelude, just ventures a conjugal hint with an air of 
unusual kindness and condescension ; this leads his ward to suspect that he 
has discovered her secret. An ambiguous reply shows that Miss Ellen 
is nothing loth to change her condition, and inspires the old bachelor with 
fresh courage. He dwells on the delights of the tender passion, promises her 
the man of her choice, and carries on such a succession of double meanings 
that Ellen applies it all to her lover and talks of her "dear Henry." 
This fairly transports Mr. Primrose, who, now certain that he is the man 
of her choice, resolves to put himself into conjugal order and be married 
forthwith. As a preliminary civility, he determines to consult two elderly 
maiden ladies of his acquaintance, Misses Biffin and Winterblossom, 



■jMP92-008Tie 



POPPING THE QUESTION. 3 

for whose opinions he entertains deep reverence. To the77t he pops the 
question with his accustomed ambiguity, so that each lady is led to con- 
clude that she is the especial object of his regard, and consents to make 
Mr. Primrose happy. The scene between Mr. Primrose and Miss 
Biffin is full of laughable equivocations. The amorous dalliance of the 
old maid, to whom a word about matrimony is like a spark upon gun- 
powder, — her facility in catching the idea and anticipating what Mr. 
Primrose would see77i to say, is comical in the extreme. After Mr. 
Primrose has gone forth to consult the old ladies, Henry, the younger, 
reappears from his place of concealment and prevails upon Miss Ellen to 
make the best use of her time by repairing with him, at once, to the church. 
Miss Biffin now indulges in a matrimonial vision, plans extensive altera- 
tions in the apartments, talks of learning the piano, and threatens to curtail 
the privileges of her future lord. In the midst of this reverie she is inter- 
rupted by Miss Winterblossom, and another scene of equivocations 
ensues. Each asks the other to be her bridesmaid, in such ambiguous 
terms that both seem to consent; explanations and an explosion follow. 
At this point Mr. Primrose returns and undeceives the two ladies by pro- 
claiming the real object of his flame, which brings down upon his head the 
combined fury of both. While the uproar is at its height, the bridal party 
returns and the laugh turns upon Mr. Primrose, who, after enduring a 
cross fire from the two disappointed old maids, consoles himself by reflect- 
ing that it is easier indeed to get a wife than to get rid of one, but hopes, 
after all, that this is not the last time he may be found Popping the 
Question. 

COSTUMES.— Modern. 

PROPERTIES. 

Embroidery and frame for Ellen. Sewing for Bobbin. Hat, umbrella 
and parcel of white gloves for Mr. Primrose. Marriage certificate for 
Thornton. Bonnet for Ellen. Cap for Bobbin. Mirror and hand-bell 
on table. Crash outside. 

STAGE SETTING AND SCENE PLOT. 



Inierior Backing 



/ Chair 



FoldingDoors ' JJ 1. 



Chair Chnir ^°*"' 

Door 



J 



• TMesi Chairs • 



4 POPPING THE QUESTION. 

Scene. -An apartment in Mr. Primrose's house. Folding doors c. in 
flat backed with an n^terior backing. Door r. Door and practicable 
Mdndow L. Chans R. C. and L. c. agah.st flat. Tables and chairs down R. 
and L. Other furniture and ornaments as desired. Carpet down. 

N. B. Set scenery is not essential to the action, and may be dispensed 
with if preterred. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

In observing, the player is supposed to face the audience. R. means 
right ; L., left ; c, centre ; R. c, right of centre ; L C left of centre ; D. F., 
door in the flat or back scene ; R. F., right side of the flat; L. F., left side 
of the flat; R. D., right door; L. D., left door; C. D., centre door ; i E., 
first entrance; 2 f.., second entrance; u. E., "PP^r entrance ; i , 2 or 3 
G., flrst, second or third grooves; UP stage, towards the back; DOWN 
STAGE, towards the audience. 

R. R. C. C. L. C. L. 

Note —The text of this play is correctly reprinted from the original 
authorized acting edition, without change. The introductory matter has 
been carefully prepared by an expert, and is the only part of this book 
protected by copyright. 





POPPING THE QUESTION. 



Scene. — A neat apartment. — Ellen discovered, working embroidery 
at a table, R. — and Bobbin, seated at a table, L., triimning a cap 
and singing. 

Bob. I must confess, I give the preference to London, above any- 
place in England. 

Ellen. Oh, Bobbin ! you have been brought up there, and may, 
perhaps, feel the dulness of a country town more than I, who have 
seldom left one. 

Bob. All the young men are such boobies : if a pretty girl but 
favors one of them with a glance, the oaf reddens up, ogles his 
top-boots, smooths down his hair, and continues as dumb as Mrs. 
Salmon's wax-work. I would set my cap at the apothecary, but I 
understand Miss Biffin has teased his life out, and confirmed him 
in his resoludon of remaining in single blessedness. At all events, 
I propose trying my fortune with an elderly gentleman — such a 
nice, prime, clean old darhng as Mr. Primrose. 

Ellen. Have you observed. Bobbin, how changed he is lately? 
He used to laugh and gossip, and tell long stories of Dean Swift, 
and sing his favorite song of " Lovely Phillis, charming fair," and 
be so lively, that his company was quite pleasant. 

Bob. And now he puts on his cravat with twice the precision he 
used to do — breathes sighs deep enough to inflate one of Mr. 
Thingumy's balloons — has voted snuff-taldng a disease — and abso- 
lutely cuUivates a peach-blossom complexion. It strikes me, Miss, 
that he is in love. 

Ellen. Love, at his dme of life ! 

Bob. He's not so very old, madam. Oh, these quiet, elderly 
gentlemen are sometimes worth half-a-dozen of your noisy, rakish 
young ones. I wonder who is the object of his affections ? 

Ellen. Surely, neither of the old maids. 

Bob. What, Miss Biffin and Miss Winterblossom ? I don't 
know. He's played at cribbage with both of 'em, and that's a 
very mischievous game. I've known many an elderly heart cap- 



6 POPPING THE QUESTION. 

tivated over a flush of diamonds ; and a forty-year-old toe ten- 
derly trod on at a fifteen -two. ( pimping up hastily, and looking out 
of the window, l. 2 e. ) As I live, there's Henry Thornton looking 
up at our window. How do? how do? [nodding) 

Ellen, [rising) What are you about, Bobbin ? 

Bob. Come here, come here, {beckotiing) Nobody's at home. 
Here he comes — I know he wishes to see you very Sadly ; I'll run 
and open the door to him, for he's the tidiest young man I've seen 
between this and the Green Park. Exit, l. d. 

Ellen. I hope Mr. Primrose will not return while he's here — 
it will look so suspicious ; and lately he has disapproved of 
visitors. 

Re-enter, Bobbin, l. d. 

Bob. Come in, young man. 

Enter, Henry Thornton, l. d. 

Hen. {crossing to Ellen) Ah, my dear Ellen ! I've been anx- 
iously waiting to see you, since daybreak. I'm in despair — I'm 
wretched. 

Bob. (l. c.) What, in the presence of two such httle loves as 
missus and I ? 

Hen. (r. c.) My friends wish to settle me in some permanent 
employ — their wishes have extended as far as India — an appoint- 
ment has been obtained for me there — I have no excuse for refus- 
ing it — I must depart immediately, and may, perhaps, never see 
you more. 

Bob. Without Miss Ellen runs aw^ay with you 

Hen. Or, I am instantly married ; that event might occasion a 
delay, and then I might fortunately lose the situation. Dear 
Ellen, pronounce my fate, [kneeling) That I adore you, you are 
well aware : let us, then, fly to the church this instant — my friends 
will see the impropriety of hurrying a young bride from her native 
country — we shall remain in England together for ever, and be the 
happiest pair in the universe. 

Bob. Bravo! bravo ! [patting his back) In all my experience, I 
never heard the question so capitally popped. 

Ellen. But my guardian 

Bob. Ask his consent at once — explain the urgent circumstances, 
and he'll not object. 

Ellen. I'll give him a hint of my wishes, however. 

Bob. A hint — no, no — speak out boldly : say, " Sir, I want to be 
married." If you merely give hints, they make so many little 
loop-holes for a consent to creep out of. Hark! what's that? I 
heard the house-door shut. It's Mr. P. 

Ellen, [confused] Gracious, Henry ! he must not see you here. 



POPPING THE QUESTION. J 

Bob. Put yourself out of sight for an instant — I'll soon get him 
away again : I'll tell him Miss Biffin's broke her arm, or in a fit, 
and he'll fly to her in a moment. He's on the stairs — in with you. 
{opening the folding-doors, C, and pushing Vi^^^Y, who is kissing his 
hand to Ellen) Now, don't stand kissing your fingers there, or I'll 
throw you out of the window. In, in, and be quiet. 

She hurries Henry into the room at the folding-doors, c. f., and 
closes them — Ellen sits doivji at the table to work, R. — Bobbin 
snatches up her cap, sits doiun at the table, L., and begins working, 
and singing again, " Meet me by moonlight alone." 

Enter, Primrose, thoughtfully, l. d. 

Prim. (l. c.) What a lovely morning! not a particle of dust 
flying — quite a pleasure to walk. I've been strolling alone for the 
last half hour in the sunshine and have come to a conclusion that 
I must marry — yes, Henry Primrose, you ought to marry — you 
were not formed to live alone. Dear, there's a speck of black 
upon my white kid gloves! how provoking ! I'll be married, I'm 
resolved, and will immediately consult with Miss Biffin and Miss 
Winterblossom upon the subject. If they see no impropriety in 
the act, I shall instantly put myself into conjugal order, and pre- 
pare for the momentous epoch. Eh! bless me ! there's the dear 
object of my affections — 1 thought I was alone. Well, Ellen, my 
dear, at your work, eh ? 

Ellen, [rising and advancing, R. C.) Yes, Mr. Primrose. 

Prim. (C.) Bobbin! 

Bob. {rising and advancing, L. c.) Yes, sir. 

Prim. Take my hat {she attempts to go, each time, and he calls 
her back) and umbrella — you know where to put my umbrella — 
and hang the hat on the third peg from the door. (Bobbin crosses 
to R.) Have you brushed my spencer? 

Bob. Yes, sir. 

Prim. And put it carefully away in my wardrobe ? 

Bob. Yes, sir. 

Prim. That's a good girl — I like every thing tidy. 

Bob. That's the reason you are so partial to me.- 

Prim. And Bobbin 

Bob. Sir. {curtsying) 

Prim. You may go. 

Bob. Yes, sir. Exit, Bobbin, r. 

Prim. Miss Ellen Murray, I wish to speak with you. 

Ellen, {aside, R. c.) I hope he did not see Henry come in. 

Prim, [handing a chair) Allow me to place your chair near 
mine. Sit down" Ellen — stop, there's a thread of silk in the chair. 
[he takes it and blows it away) Miss Ellen, I wish to touch upon a 
very serious subject. 



8 POPPING THE QUESTION. 

Ellen, [aside) Bless me ! he must have seen Henry come in 
and thinks me sly. ' 

Prim. Hem! You have, doubtless, observed a change in mv 
disposition lately ? ^ 

Ellen. Not for the worse, I'm sure, sir. 

Prim. [smili7ig) You think not? Whatever change you may 
have observed, has been caused by anxiety for you, my dear In 
short. It IS my wish that you should be married. 

Ellen. Well, that's singular: I was endeavoring to gain 
courage to speak upon the same subject myself. 

Prim. How delightful ! what a collision of sentiment ! Now we 
shall be able to discuss the matter unrestrained— without any of 
your sentimental and whalebone preliminaries. I'm convinced you 
would make any man a good wife. Now I would wish to put the 
question as delicately as possible : do you love me .? 

Ellen. I always respected you, sir. 

Prim. And you have no objection to matrimony.? 

Ellen. What single young lady has, sir ? 

dis^o^tionT'^^^^ ^^"^^"^ ' ^°" ^^^ perfectly acquainted with my 

Ellen. You have ever been kind and attentive. 

Prim. To speak candidly— would you wish for a husband better 
tempered than myself? 

Ellen. That I should not, indeed, sir ! 

Prim. And you would not decidedly object to a man like myself? 
a youth with the world before him— eh ? 

-EAl^n. \aside) I can't say I should prefer one a little younger— it 
might offend. ** 

Prim. You would not object to a man hke myself? 

Ellen, [hesitating) No— no— no, sir. 

Prim. Her hesitation convinces me that I am not indifferent to 
tier, i^iien, you shall immediately be married. 

Ellen. Shall I, indeed, sir? 

Prim. And to the man of your choice, too. 

ou wui b^''''' ^ ^"^ ^""^^ ^ °"* ^^ ' ^^ ^^^'" ^^"""^ • ^^"^ ^'^ppy 

Prim. That he will, indeed ! [aside) " Dear Henry !" she never 
expressed herself so tenderly before, [aloud) I'm delighted to find 
you are so ready to comply with my wish. Yes, Ellen, your dear 
x\T^\lZf^^ man that can make you truly happy-that can make 
this ten estna globe a celestial paradise. Dear Ellen, allow me 
vo7r n ' ^"' ^''^' ^''^ ■'^^^') ^^°P : yo^'^e a little speck upon 

rZV J~^7'^'^ me-(/a^^^^,,/ ^/^Z,;'^^,^/,.-/^ handkerchief-a 
what's'tlm? '"^ i^'^^^^^^nber, c. D. ^.-jumping up) Bless me ! 

Ellen, [rising hastt/y— aside) How unlucky ! 



POPPING THE QUESTION. 9 

Re-enter Bobbin, r. d. — she checks Primrose, as he is about to open 
the folding- doors. 

Bob. Old Carlo has knocked down the globe of j^old fish. 
Prim. And the Turkey carpet will be ruined — let me see. 
Bob. No, no, I'll look at it. Carlo, Carlo — come here, sir. 
Prim, {struggling with Bobbin) Stand aside, and let me see the 
mischief. 

Ellen ^<7<?5 up to the table, r. pushes off the embroidery frame, and 
screams out. 

Ellen. Oh! 

Prim, [tenderly) What's the matter, dear ? 
Ellen. The large needle has pricked my finger. 
Prim. Let me bind it — which is the finger? 
Ellen. I don't know — it's one of them. 

Prim. It must be this, {runs to the table, L. H., and gets a piece 
of ribbo7i and binds her finger) There, there — don't disturb it. 

Re-enter, Bobbin, c. d. f., locking the door after her. 

Bob. It was the screen that had fallen down, sir ; that was all. 
However, I've locked the door, in case the naughty old dog 
should get in, and find out the fish. 

Prim. This little fright has quite discomposed me. 

Bob. Sir, Miss VVinterblossom has sent her servant, sir, to know 
if you were out — I — I think she's taken seriously ill, sir. 

Prim. Indeed ! poor lamb, I must fly to her assistance ; my hat, 
Bobbin, (exit Bobbin, r. d.) Then I can ask her advice, and 
obtain her consent to my union at the same time, {aside) 

Re-enter Bobbin, r. d., with a hat and umbrella. 

Bob. Here's your hat, sir, and your umbrella. 

Prim, {to Ellen) I hope, love, that we perfectly understand each 
other. 

Bob. Suppose Miss "VVinterblossom should have met with an 
accident, sir. 

Prim. I'll step to her instantly. Bobbin, leave the room — I — I'm 
busy. 

Bob. {aside — going) I shall never get him out of the house. 

Exit, R. D. 

Prim, (r.) All my desire is, to see you happy. 

Ellen, (l.) And you will see me happy, sir. 

Prim, {aside) Bless her, how frank and free she is. {aloud) As 
to your fortune, that shall be left entirely at your own disposal : I 
shall return soon, love ; therefore, do not neglect in my absence 



lO POPPING THE QUESTION. 

any little arrangement that may be necessary to the forthcoming 
change m your situation ; when a couple perfectly understand each 
other, delay is ever a damper. Mr. Pilbury, of Aldermanbury. 
courted Miss Spoonbill nine years, and the young lady died of a 
consumption at the commencement of the tenth— therefore, take 
advantage even of my temporary absence, to complete any little 
attair that may expedite your views. I never felt so happy in all 
my ^^^-s.. {crossing to \..) When one's happy, one buttons one's 

""? f/'P S'?£' ^"''^] ?V'^° '-^^^ ^^'^^ ^^ "°^^" required, is the consent 
of Miss Biffin and Miss Winterblossom. 

Ellen. Their consent ! 

Prim. Since I have resided here, we have ever consulted each 
other upon our little intentions— I'll put the question as delicately 
as possible— they are ladies that are well acquainted with the 
world. 

Ellen. If an existence of some forty or fifty years can give them 
the knowledge. I admit that they are. 

Prim. Sweet satirist! An Aristophanes in French curls and 
mushn ;— at all events, I think it necessary to mention it. 

Ellen, [aside] Perhaps he wishes, at the same time, to marry 
with one of them, [aside) Ah, sir! there's something very sus- 
picious in your frequent visits to these ladies. 

Prim. {Iayi7ig his hand upon his heart and bowino-) Upon my 
honor perfectly platonic. [aside) A little jealous already-oh. I 
shall be a happy man. 

Ellen. You will make a match there shortly, I daresay. 

^"T;- ^ Il^i^^ ^°'~^ ^'^ endeavor to bring the lame attorney 
and Miss Biffin together, but she made the attorney dance after 
her so much, that he sent in his bill, charging her with letters and 
attendances, and so the affair ended ; she's a sensible woman for 
all that. Now, remember my injunctions— farewell, for the pres- 
ent love I'm merely going to Miss Winterblossom 's— gad ! I 
wish the happy event could take place immediately— but we must 
not be too impatient— bless those flushing, beautiful eyes ! if I had 
time, I could say something very gallant— a kiss, however, will 
assure you of my smcerity. [hisses her very gentty) Adieu! for the 
present. Gad ! I can't be more than five-and-twenty ! I feel such 
elasticity in every hmb-and such a feeling of jauntiness all over 
";^— ?5!!^"' lo/e ! you see how happy I am— if Miss Biffin and 
Miss V^mtei-blossom will but consent, odds, buds ! we'll have a day 
ot It. [sings) " Lovely Phillis. charming fair! " Exit, L. D. 

Enter, Bobbin, r. d. 

to^h^T.^^"" would have thought of this, madam ? I put my ear 
to the key-hole, and heard almost every word. 
Ellen. It is delightfully strange, indeed. 



POPPING THE QUESTION. II 

Bob. Hark! there goes the door ; he's gone — come out, you 
clumsy dog. [unlocks the folding-door, C.) 

Re-enter, Henry Thornton, c. d. f. 

Bob. Come out, sir ; how could you be tumbling over the chairs 
at such a moment? You frightened us out of our wits. 

Ellen. You heard the conversation? 

Henry. Yes, my soul ! and I don't think we can furnish the old 
gentleman a pleasanter surprise, than by flying to the church 
instantly. 

Bob. That would be charming ! 

Henry. Besides, he told you to-day ; I have a license ready — 
I dared to hope that you would not see me leave you for ever, and 
therefore made every provision, [showing a licetise) 

Bob. You do deserve to win your fair lady ! I'd give a month's 
wages for such a determined lover ! Oh, Miss! put on your bon- 
net — don't let the opportunity slip, for the world — it will be so 
funny — such a thing to talk of, when you are old folks, you know 
— so, just step out and get married immediately. 

Ellen. I'm afraid. 

Bob. Afraid, nonsense ! it's nothing more than a dip in the sea, 
all over after the first souse ; besides, think of the old maids — they 
may alter Mr. P.'s mind, 

Henry. Ay ! should they make any objection, it might be fatal. 

Bob. [leadittg her to a looking glass on the table, R. H.) Here, 
madam ; here are our bonnets and scarfs — how lucky I happened 
to trim a cap, this morning, [puts it on at the glass) I declare, I 
look quite nice ! Come, Miss, put on your bonnet. Henry, have 
you a ring ? 

Henry. No ; what's to be done ? 

Bob. Nevermind; don't be agitated : I've my grandmother's in 
my purse — it fits Miss Ellen exactly : she has often tried it on. 

Ellen. But this is too hurried — too sudden. 

Bob. But it's your guardian's wish. 

Henry. Think of separation for ever — think of India. 

Bob. Shipwrecks and wild beasts. 

Henry. The value of the time present. 

Bob. The wishes of Mr. P. 

Henry. The agreeable surprise it will occasion. 

Bob. The license ready. 

Henry. My love for you. 

Bob. My wish to be a bridesmaid, that I may be married before 
the year's out. 

Henry. Come, love, come. 

Bob. {going, L.) Ah ! there's Miss Biffin at the foot of the stairs. 

Henry. What shall we do ? 



12 POPPING THE QUESTION. 

Bob. Objection in her looks. 

Henry. We must avoid her. 

Bob. As you would a bailiff — we'll go out at the back door. 

Henry. Lead the way, Bobbin. 

Bob. To the church 

Henry. And happiness. Exeunt, R. D. 

Enter, MiSS BiFFiN, L. D. 

Miss B. Anybody here? I certainly heard a most extraordinary 
noise. Though they said that Mr. P. was not within, I thought 
I'd just step up to be convinced. There seems to have been a 
confusion of some sort in the room ; surely, Mr. Primrose has not 
been romping with his ward, — very singular ! Where can he be ? 
— Gone to Miss Winterblossom's, perhaps. I wonder what his 
intentions are in that quarter, — nothing serious, I hope. I can't 
read Mr. P. at all — can't make him out. If he speaks tenderly to 
me one moment, he repeats the little endearment to Miss Winter- 
blossom, the next. It is now time I should know which of us he 
really intends to decide upon, because I may thoughtlessly allow 
my heart to go too far. Hush ! I hear some one on the stairs, — it 
is his step ; glad I waited. How do I look? {^lookitig in the glass) 
My hat becomes me amazingly ! 

Enter, PRIMROSE, L. D. 

Prim. What, Miss Biffin ! Good morning. You are the very 
person I was thinking of, and wishing to see. 

Miss B. That my thoughts and wishes coincide with yours, is 
evident from my presence here. You'll join our pam-loo party, 
this evening, I hope. The curate will be one of us. You, of 
course, will beau Miss Winterblossom ! 

Prim. W^e'll arrange that affair presently. Pray be seated. 
(Miss Biffin sits, c.) Miss Winterblossom has fully consented to 
my marriage with Ellen, and, if Miss Biffin be equally kmd, then 
there is nothing to retard my happiness. Bless me, what a litter 
the room is in ! the tambour-frame prostrate, chairs out of their 
places, — a dressing-glass here ! — Bobbin ! Ellen ! [goes to the door, 
R. H.) Ellen, poor child ! she has retired to meditate upon her 
approaching condition. — Very natural ! Now for Miss B : I'll just 
turn the snap of the door, then we shall not be interrupted. 

Miss B. He's fastened the door! — Mr. P. ! 

Prim, [crossing to L.) Sit down, my dear Miss B. Now for the 
other, [secures the other door, L.) 

Miss B. (r.) What can this mean? I'm a little uneasy ! 

Prim, (l.) Now, Miss B. [draws his chair close to her — she 
retreats') Eh ! why do you retreat ? I merely wish to put a ques- 
tion as dehcately as possible, respecting an affair very essential to 
my happiness. 



POPPING THE QUESTION. 1 3 

Miss B. Oh, indeed ! [drawing nearer) I should not wonder but 
he's going to make a proposal, {aside) 

Prim, [taking her hand) My dear Miss B. 

Miss B. [simpering) Sir ! 

Prim. Lap-dog quite well ? 

Miss B. Not very well. Poor dear thing ! ate too many stewed 
oysters last night. 

Prim. Indeed ! Hem ! The subject upon which I am about to 
venture to speak, is of so pecuhar a nature, that my dear Miss 
Biffin must excuse any want of connection in the detail. 

Miss B. [simpering) I believe — I think — I imagine I understand 
your meaning, sir. Pray compose yourself. 

Prim. You understand me ? Then, madam, this — this attach- 
ment, of which I would speak, you are acquainted with? 

Miss B. [sighing) I own, I have suspected it. 

Prim. Have you, indeed? I imagined no one could have per- 
ceived it. But, love, my dear Miss Biffin, is like the hunted 
ostrich, that hides his head only, and fancies his whole body is 
concealed. 

MissB. [aside) Something always whispered that I was his choice. 

Prim. May I, then, dare to hope that this too, too tender affec- 
tion for one of the most deserving of her sex, merits Miss Biffin's 
approbation ? 

Miss B. Sir, I protest I was not fully prepared — that is, my agi- 
tation is such, that I can scarcely reply. 

Prim. How sweetly sympathetic ! Yet, pardon, if I say I can- 
not allow you to leave this place withoutknowing the sentiments of 
one whose judgment is so paramount. 

Miss B. Well, Mr. P., to be candid, [sighing) if I must answer 
— [sidling) — if you Mall take advantage of my agitation, [smiling) 
I do own your merit commands my approbation ; your proposal 
has my concurrence. 

Prim. Then Pm the happiest of men ! Your approbation, only, 
was wanting to perfect my fehcity ; without that, I could not have 
ventured to complete the union, dear as it is to my heart. 

Miss B. [rather atnazed) Of course not. 

Prim. I have mentioned the affair to Miss Winterblossom ; and, 
so far from throwing any obstacle in the way, the dear lady seemed 
quite delighted. 

Miss B. [sneeringly) Any obstacle she might have offered could 
have made no difference. 

Prim. No, no ; but I thought it right to name it : it is fit one 
should learn the opinions of one's friends upon such an occasion. 
But don't stir yet, my dear Miss B., [rising) I must now hasten to 
expedite matters. I saw a parcel of delicate white kid gloves to 
be disposed of, in the next street — I'll run and secure the bargain ; 
so, don't stir, — I'll return again immediately, — make yourself quite 



14 POPPING THE QUESTION. 

at home while I'm gone. You must not wonder at any httle dis- 
crepancies in my conduct, for I shall now be in such a bustle for 
a week or two, that I may commit the strangest vagaries and be 
quite unconscious. I knew you would offer no objection. — Now 
for hcenses, true lover's knots, wedding-rings, bride-cakes, cradles, 
and caudles — eh. Miss Biffin ! I feel myself a married man 
already. A bachelor ! of what use is he ? what end does he 
answer? None, but to act the part of a walking stick in the street, 
or a screen at a tea-party ; to run errands for ladies, and fetch and 
carry, like a Dutch pug. I'll be a married man, Miss Biffin, the 
head of a house, the father of a family ; children and grand- 
children shall crowd about me, and my path shall be strewed 
with primroses. There's a picture, eh, my dear? Oh, I shall be a 
happy fellow ! [tinfasiens the door, L., and exit) 

Miss B. [rising] How elated he seems. At length, I am about 
to be a bride. Mr. P. has popp'd the question. What new and 
singular emotions fill my heart ! Very strange he should talk about 
a license, before he has named the day ; but excess of joy makes 
one heedless of formalities, [looking around) This house will be 
mine; what alterations I'll make ; I'll have handsome pink cur- 
tains for that window, throw these two apartments into an elegant 
dancing-room, and have a lovely loo-table in the centre. I'll show 
Mr, P. a httle of my taste ; and, that we may pass the honey-moon 
more pleasantly, I'll commence learning the piano. As for Miss 
Ellen, I shall not allow her and Mr. P. to be too much together — 
she shall keep more to her own room. I'll make a thorough reform 
in all Mr. P.'s habits. Some one is coming up-stairs— Dear, dear! 
strange, to be sure ! The very person I was thinking of, to be my 
bridesmaid. My dear Miss Winterblossom ! 

Enter, MiSS WiNTERBLOSSOM, L. D. 

Miss W. My love ! Good morning, dear! (they kiss each other) 
So pleased to see you. I've been to your house, was told you 
were not at home, guessed you were here, and find I'm right in 
my conjecture. P. at home, dear? 

Miss B. He will be here instantly — he has just stepp'd out for a 
moment, love. Sit down. 

Miss W. (L. c.) [aside] How astonished she will be to hear 
that Mr. Primrose has offered me his hand — has popp'd the ques- 
tion at last. 

Miss B. (c.) You complained of rheumatism last night, — better, 
love? 

Miss W. Did I complain ? — Oh, yes, I recollect, I did cry out : 
it was only a little ruse, dear. The fact was, as Mr. P. passed me, 
to hand Miss Pocock her chocolate, he pinched my arm to such a 
degree, that I was glad to make that an excuse. 

Miss B. Did Mr. P. pinch your arm ? 



POPPING THE QUESTION. 1 5 

Miss W. Yes, dear. 

Miss B. How very incorrect ! What could he be thinking of? 
I'll mention the subject severely, [aside) 

Miss W. But sit down, dear. You have seen Mr. Primrose this 
morning, I suppose, [ihey sit) 

Miss B. Oh, yes. 

Miss W. Did he touch upon a delightful subject ? 

Miss B. I must confess he did, love. 

Miss W. Then he has opened all to you has he? He told me, 
when he left my house, that he should do so. 

Miss B. He has perfectly explained his sentiments. 

Miss W. Well, then, love, you and I have been acquainted 
many years 

Miss B. Not so very many years. 

Miss W. No, no, dear ; but a long time, you know. 

Miss B. Yes, my love. 

Miss W. And we have ever been the best of friends. 

Miss B. Yes, dear. 

Miss W. Therefore, I've a little favor to beg, which I am sure 
you will not refuse. 

Miss B. I think I can guess what it is, my dear. 

Miss W. I dare say you do, love. — You know there must be a 
bridesmaid on the occasion. 

Miss B. Precisely what I was thinking of. 

Miss W. Now, I should be very happy, my dear Miss Biffin 

Miss B. I understand, my dear friend. Undoubtedly, I wish it 
to be so. 

Miss W. For I'm sure that you, in preference to any other in 
the world, I should be delighted to have as my bridesmaid. 

Miss B. Your bridesmaid. Miss Winterblossom ! — Oh, yes, yes, 
certainly ; I promise, when you are married. 

Miss W. When I'm married, dear Biffin? You're bewildered ! 

Miss B. No, love ; 'tis you that are bewildered. Did you not 
just ask to accompany me as my bridesmaid ? 

Miss W. When ? Where ? What do you mean ? You are 
jesting. 

Miss B. Indeed, I am not, Miss Winterblossom ; this is no jest- 
ing matter. 

Miss W. You don't comprehend me, Miss Biffin. — In a word do 
you wish to appear as my friend, on my approaching union with 
Mr. Primrose ? 

Miss B. Your union, ma'am? 

Miss W. Yes, ma'am: Mr. P. has, as you know, this very 
morning, made proposals. 

Miss B. Yes, to me. 

Miss. W. To you ? Mr. P. propose to marry you ? Impossible ! 
He came to me, not an hour since, and implored me to favor his 



1 6 POPPING THE QUESTION, 

attachment, and mentioned marriage. Did you not, this moment, 
say he had told you of it ? 

Miss B. Of his affection for me ; and he certainly said that he 
had informed you of it ; which, though I considered it a liberty, 
without consulting me, I overlooked in him at the time. Had he 
known that I was thus to be insulted, he would have placed his 
confidence elsewhere, [they rise) 

Miss W. I tell you, ma'am, that I am the object of Mr. P.'s 
choice ! 

Miss B. Woman, 'tis false ! 

Miss W. If he's in the house, I'll call him. Mr. P.! Mr. P ! 
[goes to the door, L., and calls) 

Miss B. Don't make that disturbance here ! Mr. P. is not in 
the house, ma'am. 

Miss W. When he returns, he shall convince you himself of his 
intention to marry me. 

Miss B. You ! marry you, you old ugly wretch ! 

Miss ^A^. What do you say, madam ? — Ugly ! there, look there, 
madam ! [fetching the glass from the table, r. , and presetiting it to 
her) Look at yourself in that glass, and then be convinced of the 
utter untruth of your assertion ; of the total impossibility of any 
body every marrying you. 

Miss B. How dare you insult me in thismanner, miss? — I'll ring 
the bell for the servant to turn you out. 

Miss W. Turn me out ! out of my own house that is to be ! 

Miss B. Your house ? — Oh, I shall faint ! 

Miss W. Turn me out, indeed I who will dare to attempt it? — 
don't imagine I'm to be frightened, madam ; lean show a proper 
spirit, madam ! [throwing the furniture about the room) There, 
there ! 

Miss B. Desist, madam — desist ! 

Miss W. [crossing to l., and throwing up the window, h. 2 E.) 
Help ! murder ! Mr. P. ! Mr. P. ! 

Miss B. Come away from the window, madam, and don't dis- 
grace this house. Come, madam, come. 

Miss W. [callijig louder) Help ! help ! 

Re-enter, Primrose, with the gloves, l. d. — he stands astonished — 
Miss Biffin ««^Miss Winterblossom sink into the chairs. 

Prim. What, in the name of patience, is the matter? — I thought 
there were boxers in the house : here's litter, here's confusion. 
[crosses to c.) My mahagony pembroke is almost shattered, and 
my cheffonier maimed for ever ! Dear, dear, dear Miss W., what 
is the matter ? 

Miss. B. (r.) Don't go near her, I beg, sir; you'll give her 
another attack of the rheumatism ; you'll pinch her arm again, I 
suppose. 



POPPING THE QUESTION. 1/ 

^ . (r^\ nhn I 1-hat is the cause of dispute, eh ?— Egad ! I 

would "^^^11^"^^^^^^^^ niust have no quarrelling at this momen ; 

"'t^'T) Mf4t:r,;ot d.*d .e thehono.. of a visit this 
""pdm^'lC.) Yes, madam; and never did a visit at your dwelling 
confer more pleasure. 

5;iSw ^vitear, madam, you hear, you spoke of an intended 

-°P^^.^1™tTesrd^ri;ors^^^^^^ 
'^tJSB'Bu;','wsatfy'MlssWinterblossom,may I inquire the 

"T^m'iVrmef I SouglT^u were acquainted with it ; I 

;SB:v-rS&;-^il^^^^^^^^^ 

beautiful-my charming-— 
Both, {anxiously) Well! well! 
Prim. Ellen Murray ! 
MissB. {starting up) Ellen Murray ! 
Miss W. Ellen Murray ! 
Miss B. You vile man ! 
Miss W. You base deceiver ! 

rsW.^rtrrtrdlrlS^g, and then rudely snap it 

lSiTrWra«:^;fs.ri7o=^^^^^^ 

of promise. . , 

Miss W. Betrayer of mnocence ! , i j^^ , 

Miss B. I never could have thought it-deluder ! 
Miss W. Deceiver ! 
Miss B. Villain! 

^S,."b[:T Bobbin! (taking a W*f ^ .«-^ rin^^S-^ 
lenlly. and retreating) Will you be s.lent, lad.es? 



1 8 POPPING THE QUESTION. 

Miss W. Oh ! that I were a man ! 

Miss B. That my brother Peter was ahve ! 

Prim. Upon my honor, I'll send for a. constable ! [snatching a 
chair to defend himself ) My hfe's in danger : I'll not be frightened 
out of my wits in my own house. Will you let me explain ? 

Miss B. Well, defend yourself! defend yourself! [rushing at him) 

Prim. I think it's time, [raising the chair) Stand back, madam, 
or dread the consequences. Remember, ma'am, that self-preser- 
vation is the first law of nature. I've scarcely breath to utter a 
word. I asked each of you if you were acquainted with the cir- 
cumstances of my attachment. 

Miss B. You did, sir. 

Miss W. Well, sir ; well. 

Prim. I was told by each of you, that you were already 
acquainted with it. 

Both. Go on, sir. 

Prim. And the question of approbation you have construed into 
an acceptance of your hands— when I never dreamed of you— 
never thought of you— would as soon marry my great aunt Charity 
as either of you. You have roused mv passion, and, if the truth 
will pop out, the fault is yours, not mine, [a loud knocking heard 
at the door, r. ) v * 

Bob. [without, R. D. ) Open the door, please. 

Prim. There's somebody come to my assistance at last. Dear 
me, I had fastened her out. Come in. [opejiing the door, r.) 
Come in. 

Re-enter, Bobbin, r. d. Miss Winterblossom awrt'Miss Biffin 
shake hatids and embrace. 

Prim. Come in, before you behold my bleeding corpse, [falls 
into a chair, r. c.) I've run upon Scylla, and bumped against 
Charybdis ; Etna and Vesuvius have been in a state of eruption at 
the same moment, and I've been between the two fires. It's a 
mercy I'm ahve. 

Bob. {curtseying) Sir, your wishes are fulfilled. 

Prim. Are they .? But you have made very little haste. Didn't 
you hear me ? You should have broken open the door. 

Bob. La, sir! we have made as much haste as possible. I'm 
sure my dear young missus has obeyed your injunctions to the 
very letter. 

Prim. Making every haste to forward our union ? That's right ; 
let me get married, I shall then have a protector. 

Bob. Your union ? No, sir ; her union. 

Prim. Well, well ; it's all the same. 

Bob. Oh. dear, no! there's a vast difference between you and 
Mr. Henry Thornton. 

Prim, [staring) Eh! Henry Thornton! 



POPPING THE QUESTION, I9 

Bob. You told Miss Murray, as was, that she should have the 
man of her choice. 

Prim. Right. 

Bob. And desired her to lose no time. 

Prim. Exactly. 

Bob. Then, when you stepped out the man of her choice stepped 
in — the question was popped — the answer was acceptation — the 
ring and license were ready ; and now allow me to introduce Mr. 
and Mrs. Henry Thornton. 

Enter, Henry Thornton a7id Ellen Murray, r. d. 

Bob. And there's the certificate, [giving a marriage certificate 
to Primrose, who looks at it and the parties with astonishfnent) 

Prim. I'll never pop the question again as long as I hve. 

Miss B. Don't say so, my dear Mr. Primrose ; you don't know 
what may happen. 

Miss W. There's a fate in marriage, my dear Mr. P. ; yours 
may take place yet. 

Ellen. I hope you are agreeably surprised, Mr. Primrose. 

Prim. Very ! Ah ! 1 see the mistake. Henry ! the same name. 
Give me your hand, Ellen ; take care of this hymeneal billet. 
[returning certificate) Yours, Mr. Thornton — be kind to her, you 
rogue. As for me, I've this consolation — My Lord North observed 
once, it was easier to get a wife than to get rid of one — no offence, 
I hope. However, the white gloves will yet be of service. There, 
ladies, [presenting gloves to each) Of course, we shall have a 
dance, and a rubber in the evening ; and perhaps, after all, it may 
not be — indeed, I hope it may not be, the last time that I shall — • 
Pop The Question. 

TABLEAU. 

Henry. Ellen. Bob. Prim. Miss B. Miss W. 

R. L. 

CURTAIN. 





NEW PLAYS. 

PRICE, 15 CENTS EACH. 

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THE DARKEY^WOOD DEALER. A farce in one act, by Charles Townsend 
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AN OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 

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of the specified prices.^^S^ 

HAROLD ROORBACH, Publisher, 9 Murray St.. New York. 



H. THEYRE SMITH'S PLAYS. 

Price, 15 Cents Each. 

A CASE FOR EVICTION. One male and two female characters— light comedian, 
lady comedian and servant. Interior scene ; modern costumes ; time of playing) 
thirty minutes. This breezy little play is so true to life that everybody enjo> s It 
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A HAPPY PAIR. One male, one female character— both light comedy. Scene, a 
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modern ; time of playing, fifty minutes. Excellent and much patronized by 
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^^ A ny of the above will be sent by tnail, postpaid, to any address^ on receipt 
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good, bad and indifferent, purchasers will consult their own interests, when order- 
i^Sy by specifying ^OO'R^ACH^ s edition. .„^^ 

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CONTENTS. 

I. Theatrical WiGS.-The Style and Form ofTheatric^ Wigs 
and Beards. The Color and Shading of Theatrical Wigs and Beards. 
Directions for Measuring the Head. To put on ^^ig proper y 

II. Theatrical Beards.-How to gshion a Beard out of crep6 
hair. ,How to make Beards of Wool. The growth of Beard simu- 

^^^'^ m The Make-up.— a successful Character Mask, and how to 
make it. Perspiration during performance, how removed. 

IV The Make-up Box.-Grease Paints. Grease paintc in 
sticks ;* Flesh Cream ; Face Powder; How to use face powder as a 
liQuid cream; The various shades of face powder. Water Cos- 
Sque NoU Putty. Court Plaster. Cocoa Butter. CrSp^ Hair 
SfrPrepared Wool/ Grenadine. Dorin's Rouge "Old Man's" 
Rouge. "Juvenile" Rouge. Spirit Gum. Email Noir. Bears 
Crease. Eyebrow Pencils. Artist's Stomps. Powder Puffs. Hares 

Feet. Camels'-hair Brushes. a-i r- ^ . v^i;«^ 

V The Features and their Treatment.— The Eyes t blind- 
ness *The Eyelids. The Eyebrows : How to paint out an eyebrow or 
mou'stache'; llowto paste o'n eyebrows ; How to regulate bushy eye. 
trows. The Eyelashes : To alter the appearance of the eyes The 
Ears. The Nose : A Roman nose; How to use the nose PUtty » A. 
pug nose; An African nose ; a large nose apparently reduced in size 
The Mouih and Lips : a juvenile mouth ; an old mouth ; a sensuous 
mouth; a satirical mouth; a one-sided "^o^^h; a merry mouth , A 
sullen mouth. The Teeth. The Neck, Arms, Hands and Finger- 
Lils : Fingernails lengthened. Wrinkles : Fy^^^l^"«f^^"f,f,f ^^X 
ness indicated by wrinkles. Shading. A Starving character. A 
Cut in the Face. A Thin Face Made Fleshy. 

VI. Typical Character Masks.— The Make-up for Youth . 
Dimpled cheeks. Manhood. Middle Age. Making up as a Drunk- 
ard : One method ; another method Old Age Negroes. Mooi^. 
Chinese. King Lear, Shylock, Macbeth. Richelieu. Statuary. 

^"vii. Special Hint« to Ladies.— The Make-up. Theatrical 
Wigs aud Hair Goods. 

Setit iy mail, postpaid, to any address, on receipt of the price. 

HAROLD ROORBACH, Publisher,^ 

9 Murray Street, Kew York. 



